21 reasons why it’s better that the rich don’t help the poor

The Cover-19 pandemic has made it clear how our newly discovered “essential workers” (aka working poor) are not so essential that they are not put at constant and often avoidable risk. It’s almost as if we don’t want to give them proper PPE if the camera is not turned on.

The fact that “we are all in this together” hasn’t meant that government help has been spread to all equally. Nearly every pandemic financial relief package has been disproportionately oriented to helping out large businesses and, by implication, shareholders and the rich.

In the light of this, I thought it might help out worried fellow would-be philanthropists by reminding them of a few familiar reasons why we should hold onto our money and not share it more widely:

  • We are so much better at handling money than others (that is why we have so much of it and you don’t)
  • We know how to make money work for us (whereas you have to work for money)
  • We got our money through sheer genius (it was nothing to do with Dad, connections, tax breaks, or the fact that some of those capital gains were slightly dodgy)
  • It is our just reward for the hard work and the value of our creativity (ok, and Dad’s work, and some employees, and the creativity of a few others who weren’t smart enough to cash in . . .)
  • Taxing us would deprive people of jobs (even when those poor so-and-so’s have to work for pay well below the living wage, they still need jobs)
  • Higher taxes would handicap business, depriving it of vital investment (even though most of my money is hidden away in the Cayman Islands, some of it gets invested in business for sure – heck, I will check with my accountant . . .)
  • Be patient, money will trickle down to the deserving poor, eventually, maybe (though not if Mother has anything to do with it; she’s always blocking those little leaks as if her life depends on it)
  • Taxing us more would reduce consumption where it’s most needed (it would wreck the luxury yacht business for sure, top-end real estate would suffer real bad, and how would those private jet guys survive?)
  • Shit, its our money that keeps the economy going! (it’s only fair that we get the odd state subsidy here and there and the occasional handout when the economy goes belly-up)
  • Making money is in our genes (that’s what my great granddaddy told my Dad just after he had made his second million at twenty-two)
  • It’s our right to be rich (the constitution says so – and if it doesn’t, it sure as heck should)
  • The fact that I only look good in Givenchy and Armani says all you need to know about me – I’m born to wealth and it shows (sure my sophistication is more than one-buck deep, ask any woman)
  • The poor don’t know how to make good use of money (that’s why they deserve to be poor, ask anyone)
  • And they are feckless and spend every penny they have on gambling and drinking (which, QED, is why they never have a dime)
  • Wealth is like class, you need to be born into it to get it (which is why it always follows suit, like in cards)
  • One of the world’s great truths is that the poor wouldn’t know what to do with money if they had any (it stands to reason, they don’t have the right experience, nor the right connections)
  • My ma told me don’t ever give money to the poor, it just encourages laziness (they will never get anywhere if they don’t work hard)
  • Nope, giving money to the poor just encourages them all round (and we don’t want them encouraged, there’s already enough of them)
  • This whole idea of redistribution of wealth through taxation is just pure Communism (What! It can’t have been invented in the USA! – are you sure? No way!)
  • No I haven’t heard of the parable of the Good Samaritan (damn Communism again!)
  • If this dude said the rich are as likely to get into heaven as a camel going through an eye of a needle, I sure hope he did a good line in needles . . .
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